Category: puns

I always buy computers that are black. Generally, they run faster and have a bigger hard drive.

I love being best friends with a calculator I can always count on him

A girl came into the shop I work in today and didn’t know which chocolate bar she wanted. So I started sweet-talking her.

When I got depressed, I joined the Army. I didn’t have any experience or motivation, I just wanted a soldier to cry on.

Whenever I say “You are sentenced to 4 years in prison,” I say it with conviction

All this talk on the news about Black Holes, I don’t know what people see in them.

Just had to take a pay cut at work as business is slow. Hadn’t realised it’s called a ‘contract’ because they get smaller.

I shout at car doors. I love to wind them up.

Finished writing my first book today, which was a novel experience.

I’d like to go to Holland someday. Wooden shoe?

I know a guy who walks around dressed in a brown rubber suit. He’s a real live wire

I said to a fellow actor. “Thanks for telling me you are not supposed to say the word ‘Macbeth’.” He said. “Don’t mention it.”

I’d tell you a joke about my eyes but it’s too cornea.

I’ve been asked to play Sylvester Stallone’s part as a cop in the future in a stage play of the movie, I’m dreading it..

I always try and make the best of a bad situation, whatever it may be. I once bought a rather cheap bottle of fizzy water which was flat when I opened it. Still……