Category: puns

When it comes to sweet talking the girls, no one’s better than me… “Come back to mine and I’ll give you a curly wurly.”

My best mate has taken his girlfriend to Paris to propose at the top of the Eiffel Tower. Two other mates are currently climbing Mount Everest, and one of my work mates has recently got a job in the restaurant on the top floor of the Empire State Building. I have friends in high places.

I worked in the first ever CD destruction shop. We were record breakers.

BBC News: Search resumes for missing Loch Etive fisherman Guess he was just in the wrong plaice at the wrong time.

The ten largest baseball stadiums hold between 46,000 – 56,000 people. Just some ballpark figures for you.

I have decided to put my dog down… My arms were starting to ache

So what if I don’t know what the definition of the apocalypse is, its not like it’s the end of the world

I feel like puns on footballers’ names are getting quite old now. I mean, they’re just so Clichy

My mates get annoyed when I mix up the names of sweets. Well I am sorry. Those are just my tac tics.

I was thinkng of underpaying on the bus this morning with a load of change, but then I thought its not fare…

I got a herb belt for Christmas. Complete waist of thyme.

I cut myself when I was shaving last night. I get depressed easily and I like to multi task

What do you call an Indian man with diarrhea? Apu.

I have got a bit of land so I decided to start growing some illegal substances there. My girlfriend has just phoned me to say that my plants have vanished. I think she’s lost the pot.

I was watching the game the other day, and the commentator shouted “What a fantastic ball!” But I’m not sure why he was getting so excited, it looked like a standard football to me.