Category: puns

Having just punched a midget selling watches, I know I’ve hit an all time low.

I only have one vice in life Its in the garage.

I tried to tell Beethoven the piano was coming. But it fell on deaf ears.

I’m going to retire. If I don’t, my car won’t get very far.

I went to a Crowded House concert yesterday. I couldn’t get in.

Why was the chickpea arrested? Hummuside.

I had a candlelit dinner the other night. Everything was really undercooked.

Heading to Dubai and really needed some smokes… my homegrown skunk is far too smelly and bulky. Looking for a way to extract the essence of it, I shook off the crystals and compressed them into a hard, black block. What a hash I made of it!

A man has been found guilty of multiple murders. Each victim was found wearing a plain white t-shirt… There was no Motif.

I applied to be a maths teacher, but my qualifications didn’t add up.

I’m addicted to frozen poultry. Think I might have to go cold turkey.

I was at a pub where a man was telling really bad limericks, so some guy got up and smacked him. It was poetic justice.

I’m getting worried, I’ve spent all week watching detective fiction on television while setting fire to things. I think I’m a poiromaniac.

Today the whole world came crashing down on me. So I grabbed some blu-tac and put the map back up on the wall.

Past, Present and Future walked into a Bar It was tense.