When working in a team Im …
When working in a team Im like an anorexic paedophile. I always try to pull my weight.
Continue ReadingWhen working in a team Im like an anorexic paedophile. I always try to pull my weight.
Continue ReadingI was flicking through the channels earlier when I found ‘GodTV’. I then tried to find The Atheist Channel, but it turned out it didn’t exist.
Continue ReadingA zombie looked at me straight in the eyes. He was dead serious.
Continue ReadingMy football team just signed a morbidly-obese winger. It’s important to have a wide man.
Continue ReadingContact lenses are easy to lose, so keep your eyes on them.
Continue ReadingHeard about the dentist that started on the manicurist? They fought tooth and nail.
Continue ReadingMy wife bought me an extremely tall lamp from the shops, it was the highlight of my day.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a vicar on a motorbike? Rev
Continue ReadingI saw an ex Man United player eating an entire pack of haribo by himself. He wasn’t Sheringham.
Continue ReadingI’ve just returned from taking the kids to see Toy Story 3. We didn’t manage to get in, apparently goats aren’t allowed in cinemas.
Continue Reading“You’ve got odd socks on.” “No, I’m wearing two.”
Continue ReadingMy mate said the drink I bought him tasted funny. It was a cheap shot.
Continue ReadingMy Aunt said to me: “Your cousin is only a year old and he’s been walking for 6 months.” I thought: “Really? He must be very tired.”
Continue ReadingI threatened my caterpillar farm that I would turn them into soup. But they managed to wriggle their way out of it.
Continue ReadingThe other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my house. I didn’t know what to make of it.
Continue Reading