Category: puns

I could do with a fizzy drink. I’ve been drinking lemonade for 5 days flat.

I invented the upside down house. It’s now a top cellar.

I had an appointment at the opticians today, but I was too busy to make it on time. So I rang up and told the doctor I couldn’t see him.

I just got fired from my job, where i disposed of dangerous materials from building sites. I don’t know why though? I done Asbestos i could!

I always go to the harbour and start sailing on other people boats. I struggle with the concept of Own a Ship.

A secret report detailing a vegetable ‘superfood’ has been obtained from No 10. Opposition claim it’s a government leek.

People who have Bluetooth handsets need a clip round the ear.

In Tottenham, the flaming bus was late again!

Andy Murray could get a job in my local KFC. They can’t serve correctly either.

Corporal punishment. It’s back with a vengeance!

What do you call a tightwad Wookiee? Jewbacca

There are so many Bernard Matthews jokes about already. Talk about hopping on the bandwagon. I bet he’s twizzling in his grave!

One of my reindeer is very unwell. I’m relieved that scientists say they may have found a cure for Prancer.

My wife hit the headlines recently. She crashed into a newspaper billboard.

A group of scientists have predicted that a tropical storm is about to strike Israel. They have decided to call it “Cyclon B”.