Category: puns

When I received my dinner, I only got a knife and a spoon. It’s the fork that counts.

My teacher told me I use far too much hyperbole in my in my work. I personally think she is exaggerating….

I broke an upholsterers fingers last week. I don’t think he’ll ever recover.

What do mushrooms wear to the gym? A spores bra.

My wife was brought home by the police today, having just been fined by them. Gutted. Oh, wait, it isn’t spelled fined… it’s found.

“Facebook linked to rise in syphilis” What next? “Sickipedia linked to rise in Bad Jokes” Lets not make any rash calls here.

I knew about hyperboles ages ago.

My mum brought home a new box of washing powder for the first time today. But it’s not my biological washing powder and it can’t tell me what to do

Rulers have measurable power.

My Cat’s a real ladies man, he never stops picking up birds.

Trust me, you don’t want to play golf with Sven Goran Eriksson. He takes forever to take a shot, because he keeps changing clubs.

I was trying to explain trigonometry to my teenage nephew the other day, but I kept going off on a tangent.

If you like fish, then you shoulda put herring on it.

I was on the bus, and I saw a sign which read “Please place your litter in the plastic bags provided”. Anyway, now the RSPCA are after me for “Suffocating cats”

I’m loving my low fat diet. I don’t have to eat the wife out any more.