1st Brummie: – “Have you …
1st Brummie: – “Have you seen The Voice?” 2nd Brummie: – “Course I ‘ave, it’s on the bench in me shed next to me woodworking tools.
Continue Reading1st Brummie: – “Have you seen The Voice?” 2nd Brummie: – “Course I ‘ave, it’s on the bench in me shed next to me woodworking tools.
Continue ReadingI can tell whether someone likes strangers staring at them or not just by looking at them.
Continue ReadingGeneralizing works for most people.
Continue ReadingI don’t get it, how can all these girls get away with ” Ooo I’d do bad things to One Direction”… Yet I get frowned upon when I say Maddie McCann would get it.
Continue ReadingI’m so good at staring contests I could beat you with my eyes closed.
Continue ReadingMy ex girlfriend asked me if I was any good at hiding. That was the last time she ever saw me again.
Continue ReadingTwo types of people that annoy me: Drunk people when I’m sober. Sober people when I’m drunk.
Continue ReadingSometimes I think humanity will survive as a species for years and years. Other times I watch come dine with me
Continue ReadingStatistically, 22/7 Americans love Pie.
Continue ReadingIn a recent drive towards “customer service” the National Health Service now wants to call people ‘clients’ and patients ‘customers.’ As usual, they’ve missed a golden opportunity – to rename the salad-dodging jumbos at the obesity clinic ‘consumers.’
Continue ReadingI hate private jokes, they really exclude everyone Like when Jamie stole that sofa off a pick-up truck
Continue ReadingI am sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights and save the environment. The last time I did that I ran over a cyclist.
Continue ReadingApparently we have become a dumber race since the Egyptians were around. Well I’ve got three words for them! The internet!
Continue ReadingI had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg!
Continue ReadingYou just know a girl is fat when you ask “what’s your best feature?” and they reply “my curves”
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