Category: one liner

Al-Qaeda school makes me suicidal.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, unless you’re the back end of a pantomime horse.

Why is there so much month left at the end of my money?

Whats bridgends favourite game? hangman!

It’s times like these, when I’m sat in bed with my computer on my knee, that I really wish I’d bought a laptop.

I’m not really sure how I feel about ambivalence.

I went to the museum and saw a Van Gogh painting. Underneath it said “Loaned anonymously.” I went to the front desk and said, “Id like my Van Gogh back now, please.”

I find it really hard to keep secrets, so I ask people to help me.

A bloke stopped me in the street today and said “Whats the best way to Oldham”. I Put him in a Headlock.

The hardest part of my Nan’s death, was pushing her.

This tear-free shampoo works great, but I still really miss my dead parents

Worrying works! 99% of the things I worry about never happen

This wouldn’t have happened the Fritzls.

Does Africa have a Lynx ‘England’ that smells of cigarettes and disappointment?

I don’t know what I’d like to be more… a music teacher or a 15 Year old girl.