Category: modern life

You can equate how rough an area is by the amount of times you find yourself thinking to yourself, “Is that her dad or her boyfriend?”

I was walking down the street with my girlfriend this morning when I waved to my old school pal Freddy across the road and my girlfriend said, “I thought you didn’t like him?” I replied, “I don’t. I’m trying to distract him so he walks into a lamp post.”

I’ve Always said i will die before im 30. 2012, Don’t fail me now

Genuinely true: My girlfriend has just been to our local supermarket. When she tried to buy some cigarrettes the woman behind the counter said, “have you got any I.D. love?” My girlfriend said, “I.D.?! You think I’m under 18? These are my 2 children and the oldest is 5!” The woman said, “That doesn’t mean […]

I’ve never watched a blu-ray film, but I’d like to know if it spends the first 10 minutes telling you why you should be watching a regular DVD instead?

I said to my Girlfriend today “It’s not Halloween anymore, you can take that ugly mask off”. She replied, “I was never wearing a mask”. I’m single now.

I update my facebook status using my Blackberry so as people think I am out and have a life.

I’ve never quite understood self-help books. If you’re looking for self-help, then why would you read a book written by someone else?

My wife said we needed to communicate more. I knew she was right… …so I gave her my email address.

As adverts on the television tell us not to use light switches if we smell gas, I find it useful to always have a candle ready for use in such emergencies.

BBC News: The man who invented the CD has died, aged 81. Must’ve been a nasty scratch.

Computers give you the time to do all the things you wouldn’t have to do without them.

If you want anyone to say something nice about you, then you either have to retire, die or win the lottery.

Have you heard of this new drug called “Broom” It’s a craze that is sweeping the nation

I was on a Ryanair flight last week. I know it’s a low cost airline, but they’ve even started cutting back on health and safety. The stewardess said, “You’ll find the emergency exits here, here, and here.” She pointed to the same door three times.