Category: joke

My wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with meta humour. I missed the point entirely for comic effect.

Carlsberg don’t make a decent beer. If they did, I wouldn’t drink Stella and the wife wouldn’t be nursing two black eyes this morning….. ….Probably.

My wife tried accusing me of being so lazy that I don’t even bother telling the punchlines of my jokes.

A young girl came up to me the other day the pub, well it was a bit like a restaurant, nice little bar, staff dressed very well and the decor was fantastic. Never mind. Well, she was wearing a green skirt – at least I think it was green, possibly blue – and she was […]

I saw a homeless guy selling magazines. He had tied them to a post to stop thieves from taking them. I thought, “that guy has trussed issues”

A policeman pulled a man over and as he approached the window he immediately drew his gun and screamed “Where’s the little girl!” The man said, “What little girl?!” The officer aimed his gun and yelled again, “SHOW ME THE LITTLE GIRL!” The man now in tears, said, “I SWEAR I DON’T KNOW!” The officer […]

You know how you meet the right person, you know instantly? Why does it take a year and a half when it’s the wrong one?

I came across this on Wikipedia before. ‘This limb disfigurement article is a stub. You can help Wikipedia by expanding it.’ Who said wikipedia has no sense of humour?

I’ve had a lot of experience at delivering jokes. I used to be Joe Pasquale’s postman.

‘Ribery to undergo surgery on troublesome knee’ I think facial reconstruction would be more beneficial.

I tried playing football manager today, but I found it far too unrealistic….. I mean, Wigan with a full stadium?

“There’s no room for racism in snooker”, say the men who get more points for shooting the black!

I’ll tell you what’s really handy. Hands.

Why did the chicken end up on the same side of the road? He was double-crossed by the lollypop lady.

If you borrow something from twins, do you write them an IOW?