Category: joke

I told my wife to go treat herself for the day, as I’d won our house a free makeover on the TV show 60 Minute Makeover. When she came back a few hours later, she stepped into the house and broke down in tears. It was at that point I realised I take my jokes […]

My wife asked me, “What did you buy me for my birthday?” “Well,” I chuckled. “You see that pink Mercedes over there?” “Yes,” she said happily. “Well I bought you a toothbrush the same colour.”

“Police swoop on M6 Megabus” Optimus Prime is said to be furious

I only have one pet hate…cats

“Schoolboy, 15, hangs himself after ‘being plagued by online bullies’ ” See, it’s not nice calling people forum rats.

My nephew was reading The Beano the other day, when suddenly he asked me “What did people wear during the Great Fire of London?” I replied that, since this was shortly after the English Restoration, the majority of the city’s male residents would have worn breeches and ribbon, while their female counterparts would have opted […]

You know that there is something really wrong with your life when the high point of your day is seeing that your joke has made it to the “hot jokes of the day” list.

I went to buy a Kenwood food processor yesterday but it ended in tears. Turns out me and blenders don’t mix.

Found a load of glue on my doorstep this morning. Don’t know who it belongs to, guess I’m stuck with it now.

I took my son to see Father Christmas at the shopping centre earlier. It was a bit disappointing really, because he stank of booze and cigarettes. God knows what Santa thought of him.

I used to hang around with a shy rock but now hes a little boulder

Those Chinese swimmers have come on leaps and bounds since Morecambe Bay 2004!

What’s the difference between this joke and all my others? There isn’t one, this is still going to get into the negatives.

An exponential walks into a bar. He pulls up a bar stool sits down and asks the bar man for a pint. Over in the corner theres a large group of functions, sines, cosines logs all sitting around having a laugh telling jokes and sharing stories. The bar man comes over and asks the exponential […]

Sometimes I like to go swinging. It’s one of the best ways to pull children… Then push them. Then pull them again.