I’ve just been to court w …
I’ve just been to court where my friend was given Nine life sentences. I think that is really harsh, just for running over a cat.
Continue ReadingI’ve just been to court where my friend was given Nine life sentences. I think that is really harsh, just for running over a cat.
Continue ReadingDo I know an abbreviation for number? No.
Continue ReadingAccording to my wife i base my whole life on cartoons. Fortunately my kids ed, edd, and eddy disagree.
Continue Readingsome dwarf started on me in the pub earlier for absoloutly no reason at all. so I squared up to him to show I was the bigger man.
Continue ReadingOnions are like puppies…..people cry when you cut them in half
Continue Reading“Help me!” screamed the woman in the burning building “I’m going to have to jump.” “What did you say?” I shouted back as she plunged to earth. “Help me!” she screamed again. “What?” I asked again. There wasn’t time for her to reply as she landed in a crumpled heap beside me. “Sorry” I said, […]
Continue ReadingIn Tinie Tempah’s song ‘Written In The Stars’ it says ”But have you ever been so hungry that it keeps you awake” Well no i’m not African?
Continue ReadingSince all the jokes have sucked lately, i’ve started writing a new one to put them to shame. AMERIC- Coming along nicely, eh?
Continue ReadingI had a father son moment today when i was putting up a Piata for his birthday, He just looked at me and said “I’d hit that”.
Continue ReadingHow many recruitment consultants does it take to change a lightbulb? Well that depends. Have you tried to fit the lightbulb yourself? When do you need to have it fitted? And would you be willing to let me work on the job exclusively?
Continue ReadingThe look on my nans face when i walked in on her and caught her knitting me a bowl of shreddies!
Continue ReadingMy mate said i need to grow up and mature .. thats the last time im asking him if hes playing out !
Continue ReadingMy wife said that she wanted a chat, so I agreed to sit down with her for an hour. She started going on about how ‘sickipedia’ is taking over my life. I said “Slow down there, tiger. You’ve got another 57 minutes yet.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the best timber for kindling? Fleetwood.
Continue ReadingJust walked into a library and asked for a book on impotence. Nothing happens in the end.
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