Category: joke

I was thinking about my ex-girlfriend that used to be a lollipop lady but we broke up because of problems in bed. When i put my stick up we started but we had to stop when she put her stick up.

Why did the chicken cross the road? There was a gas explosion at KFC.

The postman handed me a letter this morning and said “I’ve spent twenty minutes trying to find your house, just so I could give you this letter!” I said, “you should have just posted it.”

I just asked the missus if she fancied an early night. She said, “I doubt you will get in. My database latency is too high!” I’ve not heard that excuse before.

May is national egg month and national asparagus month. So i guess its also national “i’d give it 5 minutes before you go in there” month

People are often surprised by the sight of my naked body. And it’s not just because I’m in their child’s wardrobe.

I got a joke from Orange Plus on my phone today. “What’s a pirates favourite subject? Arrrrrrt!” They seriously need to get on to this website.

My friend spends a fortune a week on laundry whereas I just give my clothes to Oxfam. They wash, dry, iron and mend the clothes then I buy them back for 50p.

The devil makes work for idle hands. Unlike the job centre.

The collective noun for bison is herd, unless they’re on tiptoes – then they’re unherd.

Irishman walks past a bakers.. sees a sign in the window……….” CHEESE ROLLS two for a 1… He walks in and I see you’ve two cheese rolls for a 1.. How much for one? The girl says 75p. Paddy says, “I’ll have the other one then”

Did you hear about the chicken that got further than the other side? It was beyond a joke.

What do you call a German with a sense of humour? An impostor.

I always make an effort to treat my step-son in exactly the same way as a I treat my real son. I haven’t got one, so I ignore him.

I wonder if mothers make ‘Your son’ jokes?