Category: irony

I hate it when people steal quotes from movies. It makes me angry, and you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

Irony: A postwoman wearing a Burqa

I was having dinner with the Elephant Man the other day and pointed out that he’d got some gravy on his chin. “Thank you!” he replied, giving it a rub. “Can’t have people staring at me.”

So i went to the fridge for some cheese earlier and the strangest thing happened, there was a grinding sound like a crank, and i saw this elastic thing thrust forward, launching a boot at a bucket which toppled over leaving a marble zigzaging towards a chute it collided with a pole which at the […]

I’m so sick of having to give things up for lent that I don’t do it anymore.

In light of Amy Whinehouse’s untimely death her friend Pete Doherty has been rumoured turning to drugs to help him ease his pain. Hang in there Pete, hang in there.

Necrophilia… I’ve never felt more alive!

I was walking past a building site, when one of the builders shouted “Your tie looks stupid, get a blue one.” I hate constructive criticism.

I find it ironic that no Sheffield Wednesday fan is wise.

Never Try Never Fail… What About France?

There’s something beautifully ironic about an email confirming that I’ve successfully unsubscribed from an email list.

A man stopped me in the street earlier & said “Excuse me, can you spare me a minute for Attention Defecit Disorder.”

If you think you’re becoming a hypochondriac, should you go and see your Doctor about it ?

I took a girl out on a date to a restaurant last night. At the end of the meal, the waiter brought over the bill. As I went to pay, the girl said she wanted to pay half. I told her it was fine for me to pay but she insisted and said she wouldn’t […]

The emblem for the New Zealand Airforce is a kiwi bird in a circle. Well done New Zealand, your emblem for the airforce is a flightless bird.