Category: food and drink

Thanks for the dinner love. The bin told me it tasted lovely.

Victoria Beckham was offered gas and air during childbirth, but she refused, as she wasn’t hungry enough.

How does a paki order two bottles of American beer? Bud bud.

I tried to cook an octopus last night … after eight hours I gave up … It just kept on switching the gas off

Warning: Women do not see the funny side if you cook them scrambled eggs in an attempt to cheer them up after they’ve had an abortion.

Isn’t it strange how Burger King released a new burger just one day after they gave me less hours to work? It’s called ‘The Big Spit’.

I brought my grandmother out for a chicken dinner last night, but she fell asleep. It was a Nandos.

A cripple, an amputee and a burn victim walk into a bar. And I walk out laughing.

If ignorance is bliss, why are McDonald’s staff never happy?

I just saw an advert that said- “Pot Noodle- The Nation’s Favourite Food”. That’s a bit of an exaggeration I thought. You can’t really consider it as food.

A man in a pub sees another man standing at the bar with carrots in his ears. He walks across and asks the guy, “Excuse me, sir, but why do you have carrots in your ears?” “Sorry, can’t hear you mate, I’ve got carrots in my ears.”

I just paid five pounds in KFC for a ‘special chicken dinner’ It was two scoops of corn.

One day two carrots were walking down the street. They were the best of friends. Just as they started to step off the curb a car came speeding around the corner and ran one of them over. The unhurt carrot called an ambulance and helped his friend as best he could. He was taken to […]

Just bought a cookie from a coffee shop today. It Costa fortune

Ever noticed how Americans pride themselves on their donuts? Ever also noticed how British donuts traditionally don’t have holes in the middle? That’s the donut industry saying, “OK, we realise you’re not thick enough to buy half a donut, so here’s a full one.”