Category: children

As a film fanatic, I see movies in much the same way as I see my children. In the cinema, every other weekend.

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: “Take two aspirin” and “Keep away from children.”

Every time my partner and I make love is like the first time. Of course for them it usually is.

I sat down with my young son today to introduce him to news programmes, you know educate him from an early age. The bright colours and the simple language are really useful for him. I’m glad we have programmes like ITV news for our kids.

My 4 year old lost her first tooth today. That’ll be the last time she answers ME back!

BBC News: ‘Parenting style strongly affects drinking’ That’s odd – because I find drinking strongly affects my parenting style…

Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said “Don’t be silly mummy, ugly people don’t have feelings

My daughter’s nappy rash appears to have formed the pattern of a 9×9 grid. Think I need to get her some Sudokucrem.

A young boy came home from school and told his mother, “I had a big fight with Sidney. He called me a sissy.” “What did you do?” the mother asked. “I hit him with my purse!”

When I was a toddler, someone gave me a little Tea Set as a gift, and it was one of my favourite toys. My father was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of tea, which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea […]

What goes :- Plink, Plink, Fizzzzzzz? Two babies dropped in a bath of acid!!

I scored 556 in a cricket match today. I could have scored more, but after nearly 6 hours at the crease my wife insisted I let my son have a bat.

I must say – that little bird Abbie Branning in EastEnders is really starting to look rather………………..too old for me.

My son drank a bottle of bleach earlier. On the plus side, at least now I will have a nice clean toilet.