Son: “Mum, when I was bor …
Son: “Mum, when I was born what did you wish I’d be?” Mother: “Your father’s”…
Continue ReadingSon: “Mum, when I was born what did you wish I’d be?” Mother: “Your father’s”…
Continue ReadingWomen should not have children after 35. Really . . . 35 children are enough.
Continue Reading“Daddy. I’m too big for these trousers. Look how far my legs stick out” “They’re called shorts, son”
Continue ReadingI hit my nephew yesterday…. My sister was absolutely hysterical.. but then I was in an Audi and he was playing in the driveway…..
Continue ReadingI was looking through my girlfriends old school reports. Last year she started drawing inside the lines.
Continue ReadingMy five year old son painted his ‘Bob the Builder’ action toy black. I told him he’s ruined it, it’ll never work again.
Continue ReadingI’ve got three kids, ten, eight and five. Weird names, I know.
Continue ReadingSome kids were having a water fight on the street earlier, so I rushed out with the element of surprised and squirted all of their faces. Then I got my Water-Gun out.
Continue ReadingI have a third party, fire and theft policy. And sadly, because of that, I no longer get invited to three-year-old’s birthday parties.
Continue ReadingMy kids are right whingers, today I was in the back garden just trying to play a bit of footie with them but all they did was cry every time I got possession, I got so angry at one point I volleyed the ball right over the fence, which I felt a bit bad about […]
Continue ReadingMe and my girlfriend had a problem with washing my baby sons hair. He would always scream, kick and cry his eyes out. A friend suggested Johnsons ‘No More Tears’ shampoo. It worked a treat! Smacked him round the head with the bottle twice and haven’t heard a peep from him in 2 hours.
Continue ReadingWife told me i was too hard when controlling the kids. How did she notice?
Continue ReadingThere’s a new pill on the Market for dealing with unwanted children. They’re basically nurofen disguised as smarties.
Continue ReadingI’m such a convincing guy, that I was actually able to sell ice to an Eskimo. Besides, I always regretted naming my kid ice.
Continue ReadingWell, if i had to describe one fault of mine, it is that I have a habit of taking my work home with me. I’m starting to think that it is probably the reason why I lost my last job at the creche.
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