Category: children

What is the difference between The Proclaimers and Maddie McCann? We haven’t seen The Proclaimers for a while but they’re most likely still alive.

My 5 year old son just invented a brilliant reusable tissue! He calls it his tongue.

If you’re supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

What is the difference between a lorry load of babies and a lorry load of sand? You can’t pitchfork a lorry load of sand

Girls are like buses. I never catch them after the chase.

What do Madeline McCann and the wine in my wine cellar have in common? They’re both in my wine cellar

My son was having a bit of a tantrum this morning and Im ashamed to say I over-reacted a bit. I put him up for adoption.

I read today that a young school girl made 100 an hour busking on the streets of London. That’s almost as much as a parking meter would make!

I was driving past a school during a driving lesson when my instructor said, “Don’t go over 15” I said, “I won’t, there’s only one in the road”.

My 9 year old daughter approached me the other day with THAT question. “Daddy where do babies come from?” Not wanting to delude her with stories of Stalks delivering babies i replied: “Well sweet heart what happened was Daddy made a big mess and your mother sat in it”.

My mate asked me why my children always blame it on someone else. I said, “I’m not sure, they must get it from their mother.”

Be nice to your kids. You never know, you might need a kidney one day.

Thought i’d teach my kids how to overcome their fear of heights today, so I dropped them off their school.

I’ve got three children, one of each. A boy, a girl and an 800-metre sprinter.

What’s worse than finding white stains inside the front of your son’s underwear? Finding them on the back.