Category: children

My wife and I agreed that we had to set aside our mistakes for the sake of our marriage. We’re putting them up for adoption tomorrow.

As I slowly slipped my index finger into my daughters ring she started screaming “please daddy no, stop it, I hate you. That’s it I’m telling mummy.” “Oh Jessica please don’t tell your mum, I won’t do it again, I’m so sorry….. I’ll buy you another packet Haribo rings.

What do you call a girl with pubic hair? Too old.

Women shouldn’t have children after forty. Because, really, forty children should be enough

I saw a disabled kid struggling to get going on the swings because he had no legs, so I gave him a push. Then put my kid on the swing.

BBC News: Light drinking ‘no risk to baby’ Really…. Well when social services caught me feeding my 2 month old son Jack Daniels they said something entirely different.

I was walking down the road the other day when I saw my old school pal, Mike Kelly. I ran over and jumped on him knocking him to the ground and gave him a wedgy like I use to do back in the school days. Then I thought to myself, “shouldn’t he have got older […]

I’m not sayin my wife is ugly but when she just opened the door to trick or treaters, they gave HER sweets!

Auditions for the lead role in peter pan have started today, I think ladbrooks odds of 1,000,000/1 for Gary Glitter might be worth a go

I saw an interview with a chinese woman on Sky News the other day. She was talking about how once she owned a dog as a pet, she couldn’t eat dog anymore. I imagine I’ll be the same when I have children.

The face of a child can say it all. Especially the mouth part.

A little girl observes at the beach something between a little boy’s legs and goes to her mother asking: – Mammy, why don’t I have that between my legs? – Patience darling, patience!

What’s the difference between a paedophile and a PE teacher? A hockey stick.

The hardest thing about being the manager of an under seven’s football team is having to rotate the squad. After the game, they all want to be pushed on the roundabout for hours.

I lost my kids in the middle of a shopping centre. The chain obviously wasn’t secure enough.