Category: children

Just had one of those landmark father son moments yup had to show him how to delete browser history

Nothing says “I’m a paedophile” more than owning a chocolate factory.

I see Ubisoft have released a new “Michael Jackson: The Experience” computer game. I look forward to buying it for my kids and then playing with them.

I was watching my son splashing around in the bath this morning. Unfortunately my wife came in and grabbed him before he drowned.

I thought it would be hilarious naming my kids Frank and Stein, just to see the look on people’s faces when they ask if I have children. And I was right. It is. I mean, what sort of name is Stein anyway?

“Awwwww it’s a beautiful baby boy!!” I said to the parents. I was asked to leave the funeral.

I spent all day making a mug, but when I went to pick it up, half of it fell off! I didn’t handle it very well.

If your child is afraid of the dark you can ease their fears by telling them monsters see better with the lights on.

I don’t see what the problem is with these health warnings about children and plastic bags. I gave one to my son this morning, he’s been quiet for hours now.

I spent yesterday at the zoo looking after my children. They seem much happier now they’re all in the same cage.

Well I guess it’s almost that time again, Easter. when I can call my son an egghead and he smiles and considers it a great holiday joke, rather then presuming I’m having another go at him because of his chemotherapy.

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a 2 pound coin in one hand and two 50ps in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you […]

I was explaining to my daughter that hamsters don’t live forever and that when Harry’s time comes, she could invite her friends round and have sandwiches, jelly and ice cream to celebrate his life. She asked, “Dad, can we kill him now?”

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.