Category: childish

The iPhone is useless to an immature person like myself. I type “5318008” into the calculator and turn it upside down, but the screen rights itself.

My local sperm bank is having a Pancake day fund raiser. All I could think was who would give a toss?

My wife left me last night for using too many abbreviations I was like wtf?

My mom told me it’s about high time I grew up and become independent I nearly choked on her breastmilk!

I texted my wife today saying “I love u”. She replied “Oh, really? :)” And I said “Yes, it’s my favourite vowel”.

Nothing says Chav better than ‘Man throws ex’s hamster out of first floor council flat window’.

Everyone said me and the wife were way too young and immature to get married. Joke’s on them.We’re expecting our third Tamagotchi in a week’s time.

I have girls crawling at my feet! Yeah i work in a disabled home

Humpty dumpty sat on the wall Humpty dumpty had a great fall All the kings horses and all the kings men Couldn’t put humpty together again. It’s a pity they let the horses try first, resulting in the further smashing of the intact pieces the army could have put together with some superglue.

Me and my mate double teamed my daughter last night. She ran away crying saying it was the most unfair wrestling match ever.

Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road I’m going to leave and come back dressed as Santa Clause with a sign that says, “Help, need ride.”

People say google suggestions are always correct. So how come I never get any suggestions when I’ve typed in ‘Child p’?

To stop her four-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it’ll make her fat. “I won’t do it any more, Mummy,” says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man. “If I bite my fingernails, I’ll be as fat as that, won’t I Mummy?” […]

People look at me strange when I buy tampons at the supermarket. “They’re for the wife,” I say patiently, as I pack them away. Then I readjust my Darth Vader helmet and walk out all dignified like.

I started to charge my phone earlier …. until the wife said, “Take that kids plastic Viking helmet off your head and STOP pretending you’re a bull.”