Category: animals/insects

Two snakes are in the middle of a forest. The first one says “Hey are we poisonous?” The second snake says “I dont know, why?” “I just bit my tongue.”

I used to be an avid bird watcher Then I took a sparrow to the knee.

UK scientists have found a new species of squirrel which are black. They are reported to be more aggressive and violent than regular squirrels. Funny that…

My pet mouse has just murdered my goldfish. I’m in shock. It’s always the quiet ones, isn’t it?

“Warning As Boa Constrictor Goes On The Loose” Elsewhere, poisonous spider goes on the anti-venom

It is advised that if confronted by a bear you should drop to the ground, stay silent, act submissively and wait until it’s lost interest in you before you move. Respect to the blatant rapist, who clearly wanders forests dressed in a bear suit, for releasing this ‘advice’ to the world.

What’s grey? A melted penguin.

A guy in the pub said he would buy me drinks all night, if I could make his dog do what I told it to. So I threw it on the fire and shouted, “Get off”.

I reckon the anterior leg joints of Bombus Terrestris are the bees knees.

I went swimming with dolphins last week. It was really moving. Made a direct hit with my harpoon really difficult.

The pride of Britain awards are coming up. My money’s on the white lions at the West Midlands Safari Park.

A bird in the hand may well be worth two in the bush, but it makes blowing your nose very difficult.

My mum always told me that eating carrots would make me able to see in the dark Which made the night my pet rabbit escaped and fell into the garbage disposal all the more crushing

For a cow, spilled milk is a serious medical condition and it’s perfectly normal to cry.

What do you call a Horse with Three Legs ?. A Reliant Dobbin.