Category: animals/insects

I was with my dog on the high street earlier when this woman came up and said “What a beautiful Labrador” I couldn’t see it myself

Fox mauls twins in bed. Wheres Derrick Bird with his gun when you need him……..Boom Boom.

What do you call a sick crocodile? An illigator.

I was searching the web the other day… and I found a spider.

Why did the fish cross the road? He saw the pelican crossing.

Daniel radcliffe has said to wagner that it would be awesome to have a pet lion. So are dragons, winged horses, three headed dogs and werewolves pretty basic then?

Why did the squirrel swim on his back? To keep its nuts dry

I’ve opened a school where I teach dogs to read and write. It’s not going very well. They always have the same excuse for not handing in their homework.

I feel all warm and fuzzy inside right now. But then again, I just ate a live squirrel.

A rabbit, a fox and a bear are notified that they are to be conscripted into the Animal Army but, as pacifists, they agree they do not want any part in the military and start looking for solutions. “I can bite off my own tail,” says the fox. “They won’t want a fox with no […]

I reckon my dog’s got a bit of a foot fetish… Every time I lick his feet he goes all funny.

Why is that when a group of kittens are born they are called a litter? I don’t put them all in the bin, sometimes I keep one.

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message, and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close […]

I went out with my mink coat on last night. Some silly cow shouted at me, “Some poor animal died to make that coat.” I said, “It’s ok sweetheart, this one was dead already.”

Metro Headline this week: “MONKEYS COULD BE TRAINED TO SIT TODAYS A LEVELS” Ok, this might be new to me – but how many monkeys are there in the world who can read and write, discounting the Jackson family? More to the point, even if said monkeys *could* read and write, I’d love to see […]