Category: animals/insects

I’ve just seen a midget driving a crane I hope the R.S.P.B don’t find out, he might get charged with avian cruelty!

A guy tried to sell me 5 legs of venison for 100. I told him it was too much doe.

When I was a kid a saw a herd of over 100 elephants. Aah! So many memories

Two police dogs die from overheating after being left in a car – Sentenced to be decided. They may want to look at a similar case of a black dog being locked in the boot of a car and surviving around Christmas time, that got that guy 8 yrs.

I’m going to microwave a spider and let it bite me… superpowers here I come!

Why do foxes have fur coats? Because they’d look stupid in anoraks.

My six year old son has been begging me for months to buy him Angry Birds. He’ll be in for a treat when he comes home to find the ostriches I’ve caged up in his room.

I can shoot deer with either arm. I’m bambidextrous.

What do you call a dog who starts bringing dead birds home? A copycat.

I am bored of hitting my dog repeatedly. So I’ve made a voodoo doll with his likeness and given it to him as a chew toy.

I’m bringing out a new range of petfoods with flavours they’ll really love. For cats there will be: Mouse, Canary, Frog and Goldfish and for dogs; Rabbit, Cat, Sheep with an extra special flavour for pit bulls and rotweillers “Grandchild’s Face”

I hate lazy rattlesnakes because you never know where they are…

‘a gorilla in the zoo learns how to walk like a man’. So now this is NEWS? I mean, big deal, after couple pints most men walk like gorillas without any training or learning.

I went down to the new local shop which lets you trade in your beautiful winged insects in exchange for caucasian males. Its called pretty Fly for a white guy

Late one night a drunk man sneaked into a zoo and fell into an enclosure full of gorillas during mating season. He was gang-aped.