My mum has a phobia about …
My mum has a phobia about African toes. I think she’s black toes intolerant.
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I always leave the price …
I always leave the price stickers on the presents I buy from the pound shop to show people how little they mean to me.
Continue ReadingI used to get strange loo …
I used to get strange looks for trying to use my phone on the bus. But then again, it was 1982.
Continue ReadingTo neigh or not to neigh. …
To neigh or not to neigh. That is equestrian.
Continue ReadingGoogle just returned 3,55 …
Google just returned 3,550,000,000 results for my search. Cancel my afternoon appointments.
Continue ReadingI was on a charity obstac …
I was on a charity obstacle course race with my wife when she fell, hit her head and died whilst attempting to climb over a wall. I got over it.
Continue Reading50 Cent’s real name is Ar …
50 Cent’s real name is Arthur Dollar.
Continue ReadingMy friends think I’m a te …
My friends think I’m a terrible Dad when I fob my children off with, “Go and ask your Mother”. It just gives me an hour or so to myself while they go to her grave.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend has a body …
My girlfriend has a body like a snake; smooth, thin and usually covered in my slime. Plus she’s got no arms or legs.
Continue ReadingPeople ask me why I work …
People ask me why I work in a minimum wage job at the air conditioning factory. I do it for the fans.
Continue ReadingTurf Wars The Irish versi …
Turf Wars The Irish version of snowball fights.
Continue ReadingSeen today in Dewsbury Mo …
Seen today in Dewsbury Moor felt-penned in large letters over a non-functioning toilet bowl somewhat overflowing with solids: “WHO SAYS THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH?”
Continue ReadingRacial discrimination, it …
Racial discrimination, it’s the only reason I work in Bradford. God I love my job in the housing department.
Continue ReadingMy Korean friend died las …
My Korean friend died last week. So Yung…
Continue ReadingMy last night out was lik …
My last night out was like something out of Star Wars. I met this girl in the pub. I really wanted to Leia, but she wouldn’t even give me a Chewie. So I just went home for a Hand Solo.
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