I was renting my house fr …
I was renting my house from a family of herbs, I missed a few payments and they sent the bay leafs round.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Haemophiliacs; they’re bl …
Haemophiliacs; they’re bleedin’ all over the place!
Continue ReadingNewton’s little-known 4th …
Newton’s little-known 4th Law of Motion – ‘However hard you shake it, the last drop always goes down your trouser leg’.
Continue ReadingI’m watching my neighbour …
I’m watching my neighbours kids whilst they are away on holiday. If they leave that door unlocked, I’m in there.
Continue ReadingMy new book on hostages w …
My new book on hostages will be released next week.
Continue ReadingI’ve always known that my …
I’ve always known that my parents always wanted the best for me. The carrier bag i was abandoned in as a baby was from Waitrose.
Continue ReadingMy friends once said that …
My friends once said that Star Trek only interests overweight, spotty, asthmatic, masturbating losers. How wrong they were. I don’t have asthma.
Continue ReadingThere was this group on F …
There was this group on Facebook called ‘Help the children in Africa who are suffering from the heat’. So I became a fan.
Continue ReadingI bet paedophiles get rea …
I bet paedophiles get really disappointed when they ask to see the kid’s menu.
Continue ReadingI once cornered the marke …
I once cornered the market in soggy cardboard boxes. It was all going great until the bottom fell out of it.
Continue ReadingTop tip: Africans, lessen …
Top tip: Africans, lessen your hardship by living somewhere where things will actually grow, and preferably not 20 miles from the nearest water.
Continue ReadingI went on to Ask Jeeves t …
I went on to Ask Jeeves the other day. I asked: “Why is Google so much better than you?”
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen a Facebook …
I’ve just seen a Facebook status: ‘Finally after 6 years of trying, my wife has just given birth to a beautiful baby boy’ Blimey, she must be knackered.
Continue ReadingI don’t care what anyone …
I don’t care what anyone says, but maybe that’s because I’m deaf.
Continue ReadingWhats the difference betw …
Whats the difference between working at Aldi and working at McDonald’s? A degree.
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