While on safari, I saw a …
While on safari, I saw a group of hippo’s voting as to whether another member of the group should be expelled for having a large mouth. Hippocracy at it’s prime.
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I was supposed to pick up …
I was supposed to pick up one of those memory foam pillows while I was out shopping today, but I forgot.
Continue ReadingI crashed my lorry load o …
I crashed my lorry load of Parker Pens today. It was a write off.
Continue ReadingI took some tablets to lo …
I took some tablets to lower my cholesterol….. I ended up with fat feet!
Continue ReadingI wonder if 60 years from …
I wonder if 60 years from now, robots will go to nightclubs and get a huge kick out of doing “The Human”.
Continue ReadingWhy do women feel the nee …
Why do women feel the need to wear expensive designer clothes in the hope of impressing men? No straight guy in the history of the world has ever turned to his mates and said, ‘check out the Gucci on that girl’.
Continue ReadingMakes me laugh when lads …
Makes me laugh when lads leave creepy facebook comments on girls photos..IF you really wanna get in her knickers, don’t say anything, just surprise her…at night…in a park
Continue Reading“Storm spares Philippines …
“Storm spares Philippines capital” I thought the X-Men were fictional.
Continue ReadingI bought a new toy for my …
I bought a new toy for my son yesterday. It’s a kind of puzzle that has apparently been designed by psychologists to prepare children for the harsh reality of modern life. No matter how you put it together, it’s wrong.
Continue ReadingWhy did Baron Frankenstei …
Why did Baron Frankenstein give up acting? He couldn’t get the parts.
Continue ReadingMy boss tries to motivate …
My boss tries to motivate me by saying I should treat every day like it’s my first. So I keep making mistakes.
Continue ReadingBBC News: “How to spot Br …
BBC News: “How to spot British ladybirds.” What you need: A fine tipped paintbrush Black acrylic paint
Continue Reading“He just ran into my car, …
“He just ran into my car, it wasn’t my fault!” “Sir, you parked your car in a school playground.”
Continue ReadingGood King Wenseslas calle …
Good King Wenseslas called his local pizza parlour. “Would you like your usual, sir?” “Oh yes,” he replied. “Deep pan: crisp and even.”
Continue ReadingI’ve just got a charity a …
I’ve just got a charity appeal letter from the NSPCC. For 2.00 a week, I can help STOP Julie doing things she doesn’t understand. I’ve also got one from the Mong Society where for 2.00 a week I can help Susie DO things she doesn’t understand. Why don’t they just swap homes?
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