When Life gives you lemon …
When Life gives you lemons, be grateful for the gift from your unusually named grocer.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I’ve just been told off b …
I’ve just been told off by trading standards for selling cheap cod… He gave me a Pollocking.
Continue ReadingSKY NEWS “Family devesta …
SKY NEWS “Family devestated by son’s swing tragedy” Well if you insist on taking him along to those sorts of parties……
Continue ReadingI have decided, I am not …
I have decided, I am not going to give money to homeless people anymore. Instead I’m going to give them a housebrick as a first step toward owning their own home.
Continue ReadingI don’t know what the fus …
I don’t know what the fuss is about, It’s been nine years to the date, and i still don’t know what happen on the 9th of November
Continue ReadingElectric or Gas? Jew deci …
Electric or Gas? Jew decide.
Continue ReadingA website recently sugges …
A website recently suggested I join it’s spin-off online dating community. It’s me and four thousand other racist male grammar nerds.
Continue ReadingMy wife came to visit me …
My wife came to visit me in prison. She said, “How are you keeping?” I said, “Really well … I saved a penalty in the last game”
Continue ReadingI was holding my best mat …
I was holding my best mates baby today. As the baby started to scream the wife chuckled,”Ha-ha” she said, “I think she’s saying ‘Put me down now’” I said, “Alright, you’re ugly.”
Continue ReadingA man manages to tunnel h …
A man manages to tunnel his way out of prison and emerges in a school playground. “I’m free, I’m free” he proclaims. “So what” says a little girl “I’m four”
Continue ReadingI bought a Blackberry the …
I bought a Blackberry the other day. I really don’t see what all the fuss is about, they’re too small, very delicate, I could never get any signal, couldn’t send texts, receive calls or go on the internet with it. In the end I just gave up and ate it.
Continue ReadingWe must all do our part i …
We must all do our part in the battle to curtail the increasing problem of anti-social begging on our streets. We must make it clear we will not surrender our hard earned cash to these ubiquitous beggars. When I am asked for change in the street, I let them know in no uncertain terms they […]
Continue ReadingFor her birthday, the wif …
For her birthday, the wife has asked me to get her a personal trainer. So I’ve taken one of her Nike’s and wrote her name on it.
Continue ReadingI’d like to name my kid a …
I’d like to name my kid a whole phrase, you know, something like ‘Ladies and Gentlemen’. That’ll be a cool name for a kid. “This is my son, Ladies and Gentlemen”… Then when he gets out of hand I get to go “Ladies and Gentlemen, please!”
Continue ReadingMy mate thought it would …
My mate thought it would be a laugh to walk through the “drive-thru” at McDonald’s. Not one to be out done, I had to take the joke further. So I drove through the shop floor in my Mondeo.
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