My friend came round yesterday to see if I wanted to order any cheap toys or games as he was planning to go shoplifting from Hamleys. I asked if he could steal me a strategic board game based on world domination, but he said that he wasn’t prepared to take the risk.
Continue ReadingI’m currently directing a film in which a man tries to rid a child of an irritating skin condition caused by the devil. I’m calling it the Eczemacist.
Continue ReadingIn the Middle East Muslims are getting in fights with their former supporters. The Shiites are hitting their fans
Continue ReadingI exaggerate at least once or twice a day.
Continue ReadingI used to be an avid reader of the sun… I enjoy light comedy.
Continue ReadingThe girl doing the dinosaur tour at the museum was so hot, I followed her home. And Raptor.
Continue ReadingA Man walks into a library and asks for a book on Bandwagon’s He Jumped on it
Continue ReadingEver since my thespian mate became a cocaine and steroid addict, he’s been acting all high and mighty
Continue ReadingMy wife was disappointed when she saw my efforts for Comic Relief, Masturbating over Hentai.
Continue ReadingI sued someone for copying my quantum luggage design once. It was an open-and-shut case.
Continue ReadingI was booking into a cheap hotel in Liverpool when the owner asked “Do you have a good memory for faces?” “Yes quite good” I replied. “That’s okay then” he said “Because there’s no mirror in your bathroom.”
Continue ReadingI have real trouble remembering the 25th letter of the alphabet. I dont know why.
Continue ReadingDon’t you just hate those weirdos on chatroulette who ruin it for the rest of us by not masturbating?
Continue ReadingWell done to the Americans – the Bagel, the healthy Doughnut. Just fill it with bacon, cheese and eggs if you don’t want it covered in icing.
Continue Readingmy mate was laughing as i have paronomasiaphobia, but he has logophobia so he cant talk
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