I don’t understand the Hi …
I don’t understand the History Channel. How they could have filmed the Second World War in stunning high-definition, I will never know.
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Did you hear about the ne …
Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? It’s called, Sosumi.
Continue ReadingFacebook doesn’t represen …
Facebook doesn’t represent an accurate cross section of society. When SocialInterview.com asked them “If you knew today was your last day on Earth, how would you spend it and why?” Not one person answered “Go on a raping mission, because there’ll never be time to catch me…”
Continue ReadingWhilst I was flying back …
Whilst I was flying back from Berlin, sausages exploded in my luggage. It really was the wurst case scenario.
Continue ReadingI got arrested the other …
I got arrested the other day for vandalising the axioms of mathematics. I got let off though, nothing could be proved…
Continue ReadingHow does Prince Charles g …
How does Prince Charles get on at table tennis when he forgets his paddles? He has to play it by ear.
Continue ReadingThey always said I was cr …
They always said I was crazy, but one day I’ll prove my cats wrong.
Continue ReadingMy job at the cement fact …
My job at the cement factory seems to get harder and harder.
Continue ReadingThese days it always seem …
These days it always seems my conversations start with “I saw this thing on Twitter” In 1985 it used to be ” I saw this thing on Ceefax”
Continue ReadingDoctor Octopus robbed a b …
Doctor Octopus robbed a bank this morning… Apparently he was well armed.
Continue ReadingI was driving round aimle …
I was driving round aimlessly earlier when I thought I fancied a McDonald’s. Just at that exact moment I saw a big illuminated golden M. It must have been a sign.
Continue ReadingI planted some explosives …
I planted some explosives in a male cow today. It was Abominabull.
Continue ReadingNeopolitan ice cream; yel …
Neopolitan ice cream; yellow at the front, red in the middle, brown at the back. The inventor got the idea from his wife’s panties.
Continue ReadingI took my boots to the co …
I took my boots to the cobbler, I said “I want these soled”. I went back the next day he gave me 10. He said “i’ve sold them”
Continue ReadingI looked out into my gard …
I looked out into my garden to see a load of small black birds that were all speaking Russian. I think it was a flock of Stalin’s.
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