My neighbour asked if he …
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn’t take it out of my garden.
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I aim to put a stop to un …
I aim to put a stop to uncompleted sentences.
Continue ReadingWhich brand of lager do o …
Which brand of lager do orphans prefer ? Fosters.
Continue ReadingI got fired at work today …
I got fired at work today. My boss said my communication skills were awful. I didn’t know what to say to that.
Continue ReadingPrimary School – ABC Sec …
Primary School – ABC Secondary School – CBA Sixth Form/University – CBF
Continue ReadingGot booked off sick with …
Got booked off sick with Gammon flue today. It used to be swine flu, but then I got cured.
Continue ReadingThe chap who scored the l …
The chap who scored the last goal for Chelsea could’ve cut it back to Lukaku. Oh well, Doesn’t Mata
Continue ReadingTwo crisps are walking al …
Two crisps are walking along a road. A man stops his car and asks them if they want a lift. “No thank you” replied one of the crisps. “Oh let, me guess, you’re Walkers?” replied the man. “No” said the other crisp, “It’s just you’re black, and we value our lives.”
Continue ReadingI had a bowl of maize. It …
I had a bowl of maize. It took me an hour to get my spoon back out.
Continue Reading“Are you taking me out on …
“Are you taking me out on the town tonight?” asked my wife. “Yeh sure.” I replied. At least it’s not on me for once.
Continue ReadingI watched these two dwarf …
I watched these two dwarf guys start throwing punches at each other in the car park today. It was probably the shortest fight I had ever seen.
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I’ve always been bad at spelling. Not sure whether it’s nature or nurture.
Continue ReadingI went out with some chap …
I went out with some chaps from work last night. I suppose I could have worn normal trousers instead.
Continue ReadingI was out shopping in Tho …
I was out shopping in Thorntons with my girlfriend and thought I would ‘tickle my fancy’… That’s the last time I’ll do that in a public place.
Continue ReadingWhat’s black and doesn’t …
What’s black and doesn’t work? The voting system.
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