Children are like rules, …
Children are like rules, Made to be broken.
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Just had an email saying …
Just had an email saying ‘Time Travel meeting tonight. Starts 1930.’
Continue ReadingI don’t care if my friend …
I don’t care if my friend has OCD. I think he’s a really neat guy.
Continue ReadingPie News: Ginsters board …
Pie News: Ginsters board members in fear of hostile takeover bid from the winners of Euro- millions
Continue ReadingI’d tell you a joke about …
I’d tell you a joke about the new DFS sale but it goes on for ever.
Continue ReadingJust got myself a finger …
Just got myself a finger of fudge. I really must get a stronger toilet roll.
Continue ReadingI went to see my psychiat …
I went to see my psychiatrist. “It was terrible,” I said. “I was away on business and sent my wife a text message to say I’d be home a day early. When I got home, I found her in bed with my best mate – how could she do this to me, how could she?” […]
Continue ReadingI’m playing hide and seek …
I’m playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they’ll never find me, because they aren’t old enough to drive or get into this pub.
Continue ReadingThe wife woke up gagging …
The wife woke up gagging this morning. I said “I don’t know, why did the chicken cross the road?”
Continue ReadingI came home from a night …
I came home from a night out and my wife said, “Your jumper is the wrong way around.” “Is it?” I asked, looking in the mirror. “Yes, I can’t believe you’ve been walking around like that all night” she continued, “You look ridiculous.” “I thought it was a bit loose on the neck” I said, […]
Continue ReadingArticle on the BBC News W …
Article on the BBC News Website by Jon Kelly: “Why do people tell sick jokes about tragedies?” Where else would comedians get their material from? Your mum?
Continue ReadingI’ve just got a clock tha …
I’ve just got a clock that tells me how many seconds it’s been since I was born… I’ve had the time of my life with it.
Continue ReadingThe Romans were the best …
The Romans were the best at persecuting Christians. They nailed it.
Continue ReadingWhen I go on the internet …
When I go on the internet I’m a totally different person. All thanks to ID theft.
Continue ReadingMy daughter accused me of …
My daughter accused me of being a bad father. I don’t know how she can say that… …she’s hardly ever met me.
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