I’m so unlucky, last nigh …
I’m so unlucky, last night i walked into a dark alley & guy pulled out a knife & said “You’re in the wrong place at the wrong time” I thought “Great, I’m lost AND I’m late” Unlucky or what!?
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
My wife told me if she ev …
My wife told me if she ever won the Lottery she wouldn’t give me a penny and she’d move out of the country. Little does she know I’ve been using the same numbers as her for 5 years. That’ll wipe the smile off her fat face
Continue ReadingWhy pay the normal price …
Why pay the normal price for a computer, when you can pay twice as much and get a picture of an apple on it?
Continue ReadingSomebody accused me of be …
Somebody accused me of being ‘stupid, immature, naive and downright ugly’ today. I told him that my recent birthday cards said otherwise – that told him.
Continue ReadingI realized the ball was i …
I realized the ball was in my court, so I decided to sit down and have a think about it. That’s when I got thrown out of Wimbledon.
Continue ReadingNudism: Been there, done …
Nudism: Been there, done that, took off the t-shirt.
Continue ReadingTrue story, I saw some di …
True story, I saw some disabled people in a club called “Walkabout” last night. Irony?
Continue ReadingI went to buy shoes today …
I went to buy shoes today. I entered the shop. Saw shoes I liked. Got shoes in my size. Tried shoes. Liked shoes. Bought shoes. Left shop. Entire process, 2 minutes 37 seconds. Women take note
Continue ReadingThe new version of Pac-Ma …
The new version of Pac-Man is so awesome, it comes with a search engine built into it.
Continue ReadingI watched a pirate DVD th …
I watched a pirate DVD the other day. It was a bunch of Somalians demanding ransom money.
Continue ReadingIf you can keep your head …
If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, You’re probably the gunman.
Continue ReadingGravity gets me down, man …
Gravity gets me down, man.
Continue ReadingI always look up to my be …
I always look up to my best mate. He’s 6’10”.
Continue ReadingI cut an owls vocal chord …
I cut an owls vocal chords the other day…. It didn’t give a hoot.
Continue ReadingIs it just me or does any …
Is it just me or does anyone else think that the guys who diligently trawl through jokes to write “DUPLICATE” have jobs as traffic wardens?
Continue Reading