Cee Lo Green: im sorry i …
Cee Lo Green: im sorry i cant afford a ferrarai its cos im black and i dont earn that much
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Facebook “like’s”.. the c …
Facebook “like’s”.. the currency of attention
Continue ReadingI got a leaflet in the ma …
I got a leaflet in the mail this morning about a half price sale on everything at Argos. It explained a great deal.
Continue ReadingWhoever decided that a on …
Whoever decided that a one inch mars bar should be called ‘fun size’ needs to seriously re-examine their standards for entertainment.
Continue ReadingAt the end of a recent to …
At the end of a recent tour of the Blue Peter studios, the guide said “…and that concludes our tour. I’m off to pick up my wife now, she was the partially sighted cleaner we met.” I said “I don’t remember her.” “Sure you do” he said, “she was the one eyed maid earlier.”
Continue ReadingThick Chips. Do they come …
Thick Chips. Do they come from Dumfries?
Continue ReadingIt’s a rare occasion when …
It’s a rare occasion when somebody moves to Norfolk. Most people there prefer to stay local and marry their sisters. But don’t worry I’m sure the people of Norfolk will make the Fritzl’s feel more than welcome.
Continue ReadingMy cat died of a stroke t …
My cat died of a stroke this morning, il have to be more gentle next time.
Continue ReadingMy local was burnt down l …
My local was burnt down last night, and im absolutley devistated! Can’t imagine the thought of a warm beer
Continue ReadingWhat do Joe McElderry, St …
What do Joe McElderry, Steve Brookstein and Paul Potts have in common? Who?
Continue ReadingThe lift doors in a hotel …
The lift doors in a hotel open and a beautiful woman runs out. She hurries over to the reception desk and says to the man: “Excuse me, I’m in a dreadful rush, could you please check me out?” The receptionist looks her up and down and says: “Not bad. Not bad at all.”
Continue ReadingYou realise you’re lonely …
You realise you’re lonely when you have to “Frape” yourself too get attention.
Continue ReadingAfter five long years I’v …
After five long years I’ve finally kicked the sauce. I think I’m going to miss my Lea and Perrins.
Continue ReadingPeople go on about how st …
People go on about how stupid the Americans must be to have a full holiday devoted to a film staring Will Smith. I’m more concerned about the one in which they give thanks to an ageing Irish goalkeeper.
Continue ReadingMy wife is growing acorns …
My wife is growing acorns in our bathroom. She loves her toiletries.
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