Did you hear about that 8 …
Did you hear about that 85 year old woman who fell through the floor boards of a fruit shop. At least she didn’t fall down the apples and pears.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I’m in the process of mak …
I’m in the process of making a film about an old lady that wins at a raffle. It’ll be called, ‘Grandma’s Number’. The sequel should be even better. ‘Grandma’s Number 2’
Continue ReadingIf you’re looking to work …
If you’re looking to work 3 hours a day, 2 days a week for about 8000 a month, please contact me! We can look for it together.
Continue ReadingSo MTV have organised a c …
So MTV have organised a concert in aid of climate change. Sounds like a good idea. Except: those rock stars they booked have to fly to the gig on their private jets, people have to travel via car/plane/boat to get there and then leave their rubbish when it finishes, all those lights from the stage, […]
Continue ReadingI am not single, I’m roma …
I am not single, I’m romantically challenged.
Continue ReadingMy neighbours got angry w …
My neighbours got angry when I nailed all the gates shut on my street. I should have known it would cause a fence.
Continue ReadingI just can’t stop visitin …
I just can’t stop visiting vice girls, they’ve got a grip on me.
Continue ReadingMy mate said to me, “What …
My mate said to me, “Whatever you do, don’t mention deordorant.” I said, “Sure, won’t let you down.”
Continue ReadingI just found my old ID… …
I just found my old ID… Apparently, I’m 72 next week…
Continue ReadingI saw some tightrope walk …
I saw some tightrope walkers the other day. What a weird flavour for a packet of crisps.
Continue ReadingFor the last three weeks …
For the last three weeks I’ve received letters that read ‘innit blud, you is lovin da jerk chickin. Peace.’ I just couldn’t understand it. Turns out I was being black-mailed..
Continue ReadingWhen my girlfriend left m …
When my girlfriend left me, she took all the sugar we had in the house. I’m still bitter.
Continue ReadingApparently on the interne …
Apparently on the internet, advertising companies can monitor your browsing and generate adverts to suit. It works for me, I keep getting directions to the nearest playground.
Continue ReadingI went to the Doctor beca …
I went to the Doctor because I was having trouble sleeping. “Hmm..,” he said, “It sounds like insomnia.” “Aww.. C’mon Doc…. I’m too tired for guessing games… Can’t you just tell what it is?”
Continue ReadingI just received my award …
I just received my award for builder of the year 2011. All because I drill like a bosch.
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