Just spent the evening wi …
Just spent the evening with a medium…..Well I say medium but if the truth be known she was rather on the large side.
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I was in america, and som …
I was in america, and someone told me about a spelling bee. Europe lacks talking animals.
Continue ReadingApparently a human foetus …
Apparently a human foetus starts development as a female regardless of whether it is male or female in later development… Which would explain why I like to occasionally make my own sandwich.
Continue ReadingMy mate laughed at me thi …
My mate laughed at me this morning because I woke up with a punchline written on my face. The joke’s on him though.
Continue ReadingI’m going to update my Fa …
I’m going to update my Facebook status as “A tall wooden stake used to support a fence” I’m then going to sit back and wait until someone likes my post.
Continue ReadingMy new girlfriend isn’t a …
My new girlfriend isn’t as dirty in bed as I’d hoped she’d be. I asked for “ATM” and she drove me to a cash machine.
Continue ReadingShelter have issued a pre …
Shelter have issued a press release to warn of how bad a harsh Winter can be for rough sleepers. It’s an absolute pack of lies; we’re only 3 weeks into the cold-snap and already the number of homeless people has fallen dramatically.
Continue ReadingWWI would never have happ …
WWI would never have happened if Franz Ferdinand didn’t ask someone to take him out.
Continue ReadingJust when I thought Chris …
Just when I thought Christmas was over, I came down stairs this morning to find two pigs in blankets lodged in the setee. I really wish the wife wouldn’t let her mum and sister stop over without telling me.
Continue ReadingOn meeting my cell mate o …
On meeting my cell mate on my first day in prison,i threw him off of the top bunk bed…………… He was condescending.
Continue Readingwhat do you call a deaf f …
what do you call a deaf father? hugh watson
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a Dutch …
What do you call a Dutch courier who cuts you up on the motorway? Ruud Van Driver.
Continue ReadingI really, really, absolut …
I really, really, absolutely, positively without a shred of doubt hate the use of superfluous words.
Continue ReadingI hate jokes about the bl …
I hate jokes about the blind… I just can’t see the funny side
Continue ReadingI want to use my new Heal …
I want to use my new Health & Fitness DVD but I can’t. I’ve lost the remote.
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