I was struggling to remem …
I was struggling to remember the last meaningful thing I said to my wife. Then I remembered the time she asked me what the singular of ‘dice’ was.
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FACT: you are 23 times mo …
FACT: you are 23 times more likely to crash if driving while trying to send a te
Continue ReadingWhenever I went gambling …
Whenever I went gambling I always took my lucky goldfish. He would swim around in his little bowl whilst I gambled. He died today so I held a small funeral. Nothing special, I just wrapped him in newspaper with some chips.
Continue ReadingMost popular iPhone App o …
Most popular iPhone App of the month: Public Telephone Box Locator.
Continue ReadingIt’s impossible to cook c …
It’s impossible to cook children food. I can never fit them in the oven.
Continue ReadingMy wife is missing for al …
My wife is missing for almost 2 weeks now and the police warned me that I should prepare myself for “the worst case scenario” So I went back to the second hand store where I sold all of her clothing and bought it all back…
Continue ReadingMy Dad was a sniper in th …
My Dad was a sniper in the army, he lived by the rule of “If you can’t see them, they can’t see you.” I try to apply this rule to my life as much as possible. Thats why I close my eyes when i’m raping.
Continue ReadingMy wife said that she was …
My wife said that she was in need of some TLC. So I took her up a ladder and suplexed her through a table.
Continue ReadingI’ve just set a seven hou …
I’ve just set a seven hour herb eating record. It was thyme consuming.
Continue ReadingMy boss called me to his …
My boss called me to his office today, and said “You’re fired.” I replied “No, YOU’RE fired!” I’ve always believed in fighting fire with fire.
Continue ReadingI saved a life today. I a …
I saved a life today. I asked a tramp, “How will you feel if I give you 100 dollars?” He replied, “I’ll die of happiness.” So I didn’t give it to him.
Continue ReadingSo, how does this work? …
So, how does this work? Do I HAVE to remember the jokes from two weeks ago and be the first person that day to repeat them again or am I allowed to make something new up???
Continue ReadingIn the first year of marr …
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
Continue ReadingI love visiting my nan fo …
I love visiting my nan for the day. Just before the drive home she’ll say,”come on…up the wooden hill”, and we’ll go upstairs and she helps me into my my Jim Jams before getting into the car. That way, I can go straight to bed as soon as we get home. For some reason my […]
Continue Readingi’ve got a photographic m …
i’ve got a photographic memory… i forget things in a flash
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