I think Lou Reed’s autobi …
I think Lou Reed’s autobiography is a great toilet book
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I had to stop being a des …
I had to stop being a designated driver. Eventually it drove me to drink.
Continue ReadingAmateur Neorological surg …
Amateur Neorological surgery can be nerve wrecking.
Continue ReadingI was struggling to spell …
I was struggling to spell Anders Breivik but then I remembered that rhyme… I before E unless you’ve done a killing spree.
Continue Reading“My mum says you are what …
“My mum says you are what you eat” “So if you eat runner beans you’ll become a runner” “And if you eat… what’s this then?” “Cabbage, dear”
Continue Reading“Mrs. Brown,” says the do …
“Mrs. Brown,” says the doctor, “what your husband needs for a full recovery is absolute peace and quiet.” “See?” says Mrs. Brown. “That’s exactly what I tell him a thousand times a day.”
Continue ReadingA bloke walks into a libr …
A bloke walks into a library and asks for a book on braille and the man behind the counter says “This is a chemist mate”.
Continue ReadingThe other day I came home …
The other day I came home from work and my girlfriend was waiting for me in the kitchen. She told me that she felt she was ready to take the next step in our relationship. “Twins?” I asked with high hopes. She nodded in reply. “Great!” I said, “I know an Asian pair who will […]
Continue ReadingTo the person who was dri …
To the person who was driving the overturned car on the M1, the five fire engines, two police cars and an ambulance. I hope you’re happy now… …I’m gonna be late for work.
Continue ReadingI broke up with my girlfr …
I broke up with my girlfriend as soon as she told me she was a catholic. I’m just more of a dog person.
Continue Reading“What do you do?” “I’m a …
“What do you do?” “I’m a spy.” “Well why are you dressed as a shepherd?” “I’m a shepherd spy.”
Continue ReadingSickipedia. Removing mor …
Sickipedia. Removing more tags than the home office since… Today.
Continue ReadingI found my wife covered w …
I found my wife covered with jam and pastry. I love it when she gets tarted up for me.
Continue ReadingThe New Audi R8 Spyder… …
The New Audi R8 Spyder… because your bald patch isnt quite getting the attention it deserves
Continue ReadingThe other day, I was walk …
The other day, I was walking down the road when I realised somebody was following me. Being scared, I started to run and so did he. He shouted “stop, Police!” What an Idiot! My name’s Paul.
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