I like my women how I lik …
I like my women how I like my kit-kats. Chunky.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
My local gym make it extr …
My local gym make it extremely difficult for newcomers to join. They’re on the 27th floor with no lift.
Continue ReadingMy wife gets all teary ey …
My wife gets all teary eyed when she sees seals being clubbed on the telly, but she doesn’t think twice about asking me to whack a spider in the bath with a newspaper. And what’s a spider doing with a newspaper, anyway?
Continue ReadingAren’t dreams amazing. L …
Aren’t dreams amazing. Last night I had a dream that I hadn’t had a shave and I woke to find it had come true.
Continue ReadingI was rowing my boat up a …
I was rowing my boat up a river today when I saw a guy looking quite agitated on the bank. “Where do you want to be mate?” I asked. “The the other side,” He answered. “Hop in, I think I can get you there” I replied. And when he did I stabbed him in the […]
Continue ReadingAfter hearing The FA comm …
After hearing The FA comment on David Bentley’s drink driving ban, it gave me the idea that they are against footballers drinking alcohol. So why do they have the Carling Cup?
Continue ReadingI saw some kids spray pai …
I saw some kids spray painting “WE’RE ALOUD TO REBEL” on a wall. I thought, “That shouldn’t be aloud.”
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend told me she …
My girlfriend told me she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.
Continue ReadingThe secret to success is …
The secret to success is honesty & good bookkeeping…. if you can fake those you’re sorted.
Continue ReadingThought I would try shavi …
Thought I would try shaving with my back to the mirror, but I can’t see myself doing that
Continue ReadingThe Second Coming of Chri …
The Second Coming of Christ: Not as impressive as the first, but he still managed to get some in her hair.
Continue ReadingHow is it that you’re all …
How is it that you’re allowed to make a Facebook group “I like to stand in the shower forever because i like hot water”, but you aren’t allowed to say “I like to stand in the local playground forever because i like small children”?
Continue Readingsiyoung91 wrote: This Thu …
siyoung91 wrote: This Thursday on BBC2: Wonderland: Can We Get Married? “Emma and Ben are 28 and have been together for 6 years. They’re thinking of getting married but both have Down’s syndrome. Will marriage be everything they’ve dreamed of?” ____________________________________ No because two mongs don’t make a right.
Continue ReadingText Message: “Hi from Or …
Text Message: “Hi from Orange. Would you like to give to the Haiti Earthquake Fund…” Dad: “Haha Orange sent me a joke”
Continue ReadingAmericans have mistletoe …
Americans have mistletoe around Christmas. Arabs have cameltoe around Christmas.
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