A man walks into a fishmo …
A man walks into a fishmongers with a salmon under his arm. “Do you sell fishcakes?” he asks. “Of course,” says the fishmonger. “Oh good,” says the man. “It’s his birthday!”
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Although I’m a lover of B …
Although I’m a lover of Bruce Willis’s work I wouldn’t say I was a Die Hard fan.
Continue ReadingI threatened a woman with …
I threatened a woman with a push chair the other day. In hindsight, maybe a knife would’ve been more menacing.
Continue ReadingI find it ironic that peo …
I find it ironic that people use words they don’t understand.
Continue ReadingI’ve just taken all of th …
I’ve just taken all of the money out of my bank and now I don’t know what I’m going to do for the next few weeks. I suppose I’ll just have to get rid of my balaclava & gun and lay low for a bit.
Continue ReadingIf there’s enough room to …
If there’s enough room to spell ‘bootylicious’ on the back of your shorts, it probably isn’t.
Continue ReadingEverybody makes mistakes, …
Everybody makes mistakes, take god for example. When the first European’s prayed for all black men to be hung, there must have been a slight mix up.
Continue ReadingMe and my mate picked up …
Me and my mate picked up a couple of birds the other day. ‘Yeah I think they’re dead,’ I said and chucked them in the park bin.
Continue ReadingSome people walk around i …
Some people walk around in a Ferrari shirt to give the impression they have a Ferrari. I am that poor I have the Ferrari coat hanger, that way people think I have the shirt.
Continue ReadingPeople tell me I should b …
People tell me I should be more secretive.
Continue ReadingI’ve just been to see a m …
I’ve just been to see a moving drama called “Onions: 4D”, By the end, everyone was crying, when the main character was stabbed.
Continue ReadingSale on Baywatch Box-sets …
Sale on Baywatch Box-sets. 50% Hoff.
Continue ReadingWhy is Guinness a racist …
Why is Guinness a racist pint? Because the white always rises to the top.
Continue ReadingSomeone came round today …
Someone came round today trying to sell me the first part of an encyclopaedia. They were describing it, but I couldn’t hear them over the TV. So I turned the volume down.
Continue ReadingIt’s funny how the most s …
It’s funny how the most simple things in life can tear a family apart………… …..Like next door’s rabid rottweiler
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