I remember when my wife was giving birth for the first time, I was stood by her side in the delivery room as the baby was starting to come. I remember thinking to myself ”This is such a lovely and rare privilege, Seeing my wife in so much pain”
Continue ReadingI once carved a horse on a hillside. Cooking it was the tricky part.
Continue ReadingMy son just asked me whether Bambi was a boy or a girl. What an idiot. It was a Deer.
Continue ReadingI was watching a ship going out to sea yesterday in stormy clouds and raging winds. There was music blasting from It and all I could hear were people singing “I’ve been driving In my car It’s not quite a Jaguar.” I thought, “That’s Madness going out to sea in this weather.”
Continue ReadingTo offend any wine tasters and wine experts, refer to wine as “grape cider”.
Continue ReadingI was arranging a date with a girl who worked in the army and she asked if I could pick her up at 2200 hours. It’s now 91 days and 16 hours later and tonight is my lucky night. Hope she’s remembered.
Continue ReadingAfter Heinze’s goal, Nigeria were always playing ketchup…
Continue ReadingMy wife says I spend too much time on Facebook. According to her wall post, anyway.
Continue ReadingMy mate who works for the RSPCA was telling me about a new scheme that they have set up to counter animal cruelty. Apparently anyone who is cruel to animals is forced to do work for them. Ironic how they killed two birds with one stone like that.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a man with no legs in a swimming pool? Bob What does he call his son? Buoy
Continue ReadingMy cat ate a ball of wool the other day…. It went on to have mittens.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the defenition of irony? Americans laughing at Homer Simpson for being stupid.
Continue ReadingWe can end wars across the globe simply by renaming all guns “The Messenger”.
Continue Readingwrfsgqweztkl;’# ast gg4369on/hoivdz … Why does no one ever think of unplugging their keyboard before cleaning it?
Continue ReadingOne of my reindeer is very unwell. I’m relieved that scientists say they may have found a cure for Prancer.
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