Kids. If you can’t beat …
Kids. If you can’t beat them, don’t have them.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I’ve been going through a …
I’ve been going through a rough patch with the girlfriend. I might just bury her here, I can’t see anyone coming this far into the woods.
Continue ReadingI fixed my wife up with a …
I fixed my wife up with a new job the other day – as a human cannonball. She went ballistic!
Continue ReadingI don’t know why parents …
I don’t know why parents say to their children, “Only speak when you’re spoken to.” It’s not exactly teaching them good manners, telling them to talk over the top of someone.
Continue ReadingI work in a call centre i …
I work in a call centre in Norwich and we’ve just been told our jobs are moving to India. I’m so excited! I’ve always wanted to visit India and with the salary they pay me I’ll be able to live like a Maharaja over there. Well done Aviva, keep up the good work.
Continue ReadingA word of warning to wome …
A word of warning to women, if you don’t want to spend 2 weeks in the desert, sleeping inside a dead camel. then don’t ask us to book a honeymoon while watching bear grylls!
Continue ReadingHi my name is Tomimem Th …
Hi my name is Tomimem The ‘mime’ is silent
Continue ReadingUsed to write books for a …
Used to write books for a publisher which banned any kind of fictional novels. Honestly, you couldn’t make it up.
Continue ReadingSir John Major has said t …
Sir John Major has said that he is looking forward to the release of a sequel to ‘The Iron Lady’. If Thatcher’s still alive by the time they have finished filming it, they can call it ‘The Never Ending Tory’.
Continue ReadingI recently got a job work …
I recently got a job working on a building site. On the first day, I felt sure someone would ask me to go and get something that didn’t exist like striped paint or something… Sure enough; someone asked me to go find an AIR AMBULANCE… Well I played them at the own game – Took […]
Continue ReadingI remember my girlfriend …
I remember my girlfriend looking up at me, as I stuck it in for the first time; pumping away, trying not to get too excited while a man watched us through a window. Filling up fuel for the first time was quite the experience.
Continue ReadingYour Honour, I think you’ …
Your Honour, I think you’re crazy. Sorry, that’s just judge mental.
Continue ReadingMy X-box controller is a …
My X-box controller is a lot like my kids. I can play games with them for hours on end, but as soon as I lose it gets thrown at the wall.
Continue ReadingBODY BUILDERS: Save time …
BODY BUILDERS: Save time and money blending up all your meals by placing the food directly in your mouth and moving your lower jaw up and down until the food is mashed up enough for swallowing.
Continue ReadingI walked into a pub and s …
I walked into a pub and said to the barman, “Stella please mate.” He said, “Are you 18?” I said, “No.” He said, “I can’t serve you then.” As I walked out I thought to myself, “This is the fourth pub – what does a 22 year old have to do to get a pint […]
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