Author: qjoq.com

I’m not worried about the Third World War. That’s the Third World’s Problem.

My wife said to me today, “I’m fed up of you throwing your weight around.” “This is the third gym we’ve been banned from this week”

I met my new girlfriend down the gym, she’s working out really well.

My Dad worships the God of The Sun. Kelvin Mackenzie.

My Mum always used to say that men are scared of women with power. Took me years to figure out she meant electrical items.

I used to battle with drink & drugs, now we get along fine

I asked The Fonz actor Henry Winkler in a pub, who he thinks will win tonights boxing match. He looked at me, punched the jukebox, and said ‘Hayeee’.

Went to B&Q earlier to get wood, I just find DIY places really exciting.

What starts in E and ends in E but only contains one letter? An envelope.

I did a pilot for a TV show recently, at least he told me he was a pilot.

Dead bodies at crime scenes That’s where I draw the line

When there’s a big sale at a Garden centre it’s always the same. Hundreds of angry Gardeners bushing and shrubbing