Just when I thought I had …
Just when I thought I had got away with poisoning my wife, the Police found some compelling evidence and charged me with her murder. The proof was in the pudding.
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I hurt my back today.. I …
I hurt my back today.. I was playing piggy back with my 6 year old nephew, and I fell off.
Continue ReadingPhew! Just spent half an …
Phew! Just spent half an hour haggling with the vet over how much to have the dog put down, and when I went back out to the car it was dead.
Continue ReadingSave precious brain cells …
Save precious brain cells by only remembering the letters in the alphabet that you use most fre uently.
Continue Reading“Snow Hampers Christmas P …
“Snow Hampers Christmas Post” So everything is running normally then?
Continue ReadingI’ve been meaning to post …
I’ve been meaning to post this stupid procrastination joke for like three months now.
Continue ReadingThe suit I’ve chosen for …
The suit I’ve chosen for my own funeral is a secret. I’ll take it to my grave.
Continue ReadingA man walks into a restau …
A man walks into a restaurant and notices Lobster Tails for a quid on the menu. He asks the waiter: “What’s wrong with them?” Waiter says: “Nothing, freshly caught today.” So the man orders some, The waiter returns with a book, sits down and says: “Once upon a time, there was a big red lobster…”
Continue ReadingDoctor- im afraid were go …
Doctor- im afraid were going to have to pull the plug on your son. Mother- i thought you said he was perfectly healthy? Doctor- Oh i did, but his bath is overflowing.
Continue ReadingMy mate said to me this m …
My mate said to me this morning, “Shall we go fishing after dark?” I said, “why don’t we go now while it’s day light, It’ll save waiting till tomorrow.”
Continue ReadingI got hit in the face the …
I got hit in the face the other day by the lid of a tube of pringles. I wasn’t gonna mention it but it just popped in to my head.
Continue ReadingPeople often describe me …
People often describe me as a bull in a China shop. I can’t see the resemblance myself, I don’t think I look like beef in black bean sauce.
Continue ReadingI never ever talked to my …
I never ever talked to my dad, He was a bus driver and your not allowed to
Continue ReadingI was just telling my mat …
I was just telling my mate that 19 Antarctic penguins have died after getting a mystery illness in Germany. He said, “Flu?” I said, “No, their wings are too small.”
Continue Reading“16 Year Old Girl Shot In …
“16 Year Old Girl Shot In Takeaway Dies” Apparently she would have lived if they could have found a doner
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