Eleventeen percent of peo …
Eleventeen percent of people make up words.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
My Cat’s a real ladies ma …
My Cat’s a real ladies man, he never stops picking up birds.
Continue ReadingMy hairdresser dosent cut …
My hairdresser dosent cut hair any longer… just shorter
Continue ReadingI slowly took my seat in …
I slowly took my seat in the doctors room. He said “There’s no easy way of saying this” “Just say it” I said. “I saw Susie sitting in a shoe shine shop. Where she sits she shines, and where she shines she sits.”
Continue ReadingI remember when everythin …
I remember when everything was different. Then everything changed and nothing is the same these days.
Continue ReadingNewsflash!!! Police have …
Newsflash!!! Police have arrested a man for selling pills that will give you eternal youth. Records show that it is the fourth time this man has been arrested. The earlier arrests were made in 1799, 1852 and 1921.
Continue ReadingIt was necessary to give …
It was necessary to give my wife two black eyes last night. One way or another, she will panda to my needs!
Continue ReadingJust got myself one of th …
Just got myself one of those toasted sandwich makers… Or a black girlfriend as she calls it.
Continue ReadingI have a blocked nose. Wi …
I have a blocked nose. Wish I wasn’t made out of Lego.
Continue ReadingThere’s a hole in the wal …
There’s a hole in the wall on my house that lets in a terrible draft. On the plus side it’s very convenient when I need cash.
Continue ReadingBefore Tuesday’s emergenc …
Before Tuesday’s emergency budget, being on the dole had its benefits.
Continue ReadingAnimal welfare activists …
Animal welfare activists have liberated a herd of calves which had been scheduled for slaughter in Northern Ireland. The Veal IRA have claimed responsibility.
Continue ReadingI dropped some coppers ye …
I dropped some coppers yesterday. They won’t be knocking on my door again.
Continue ReadingI sometimes like to get d …
I sometimes like to get dry on a hand towel just so I can pretend I am a giant
Continue ReadingI took the kids to one of …
I took the kids to one of those play centres yesterday, but never again as it ended in tears. I got stuck in the twisty tunnel slide and had a panic attack.
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