Lost your tree? Why not …
Lost your tree? Why not nail a picture of it to your dog?
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
A woman saw an ad in the …
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read: “Pure-bred Police Dog 250. ono.” Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered. The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking dog she had ever seen. In a rage, she telephoned […]
Continue ReadingHow do you turn a bar int …
How do you turn a bar into a club? One whack to the wife’s head.
Continue ReadingAs the defibrillator padd …
As the defibrillator paddles were thrust onto the chest of Vaclav Havel in a last ditch attempt to revive the great dissident. the doctor on site was heard to remark, “Never before have I seen a Czech bounce so fast”.
Continue ReadingBBC news: Rio, drug traff …
BBC news: Rio, drug trafficker surrounded. All that money from football and still he can’t escape his black roots.
Continue ReadingI met the chinese version …
I met the chinese version of Run DMC the other day they told me to wok this way.
Continue ReadingYahoo News: Asda Recalls …
Yahoo News: Asda Recalls Chocolate Bar. Me too. I was reminiscing about the days of Marathon this afternoon.
Continue ReadingMe and the missus were go …
Me and the missus were going on our holidays and, while on the plane, we fell out and spent the rest of the day rowing. In hindsight, I guess it was lucky we landed next to a boat.
Continue ReadingKnitting in the dark.. I …
Knitting in the dark.. I can’t see the point.
Continue ReadingEinstein was the superman …
Einstein was the superman of physics: “With great power, comes a higher ratio of current to voltage.”
Continue ReadingI have this crazy stalker …
I have this crazy stalker girl demanding money from me. What kind of name is Mortgage Company anyway? French?
Continue ReadingMy mum text me using a ‘; …
My mum text me using a ‘;)’ today… I’m hoping she didn’t realise that’s only really used for flirting… however, when I read the text back ‘oh you forgotten your key 😛 I’ll leave the back open ;)’ I did get scared.
Continue ReadingThe school Career’s Advis …
The school Career’s Advisor asked me to call him regarding my teenage son. “Frankly,” he said, “Your son is rude, churlish, vacant with an intelligence level bordering on moronic. On the rare occasions that I can extract a response from him, inevitably it is monosyllabic….. We think he has a great future ahead of him […]
Continue ReadingRulers have measurable po …
Rulers have measurable power.
Continue ReadingI’ve been single for so l …
I’ve been single for so long I now get turned on if i see my right hand naked!
Continue Reading