I’m so unlucky. I bought …
I’m so unlucky. I bought a ticket for the Nigerian lottery and only won a tenner.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I saw something fly past …
I saw something fly past wearing rosary beads earlier. ‘That must be a bird of pray’, I thought.
Continue ReadingI knew about hyperboles a …
I knew about hyperboles ages ago.
Continue Readingwatching your kids being …
watching your kids being born is so overwhelming, but nothing compares to the feeling of your first joke being posted on sickipedia
Continue ReadingBilly: Did you hear about …
Billy: Did you hear about that actress that was stabbed in London yesterday? Reese…what’s her face? Timmy: Witherspoon? Billy: No with a knife.
Continue ReadingSnakes. They’re like bits …
Snakes. They’re like bits of rope, only angrier.
Continue ReadingUniversity Challenge: get …
University Challenge: getting up in the morning.
Continue ReadingI saw a poster in my loca …
I saw a poster in my local newsagents that said, ‘Have you seen our missing dog? Please call with any information’. So I got straight on the phone and told the distressed woman that my favourite colour is blue.
Continue ReadingI left my wife at the bea …
I left my wife at the beauty clinic as I told her I would pay for it as a birthday treat but when I returned I asked the beautician “What’s the damage then?’ “Irreparable” She replied
Continue ReadingYou can imagine my confus …
You can imagine my confusion when an invite to the “Eunuch’s Ball” came through the door.
Continue ReadingI was walking to work whe …
I was walking to work when I came across a guy in a crocodile costume. I asked, “Why are you in a crocodile costume?” He said, “I’m obsessed with them, want me to tell you why?” I replied, “Well, I need to get to work, so make it snappy.”
Continue ReadingMy dad’s recently been hi …
My dad’s recently been hitting the booze every night. I like to call him alcopop
Continue ReadingAs the snake sunk its fan …
As the snake sunk its fangs into my hand, I screamed to the safari guide, “please say its been de-venomed!” “Of course it has!” He said. “How can you be sure?” I asked in a panic. “Because its just injected it all into your hand,” he replied.
Continue ReadingAnyone else think that th …
Anyone else think that the Harry Potter series would have been much more entertaining if, after seven books and over a million words, the concluding sentence was: “…and that, your honour, is how three children in wizard outifts ended up in my cellar.”
Continue ReadingAm I the only one that th …
Am I the only one that thinks big issue sellers need to go onto some sort of sales and marketing course?
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