I couldn’t remember where …
I couldn’t remember where I found out about all the single girls in my area wanting to meet me. But I’m sure they will pop up sooner or later.
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Goliath was 14 lbs overwe …
Goliath was 14 lbs overweight. David was the perfect weight. What a difference a stone makes!
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between humour and odour? Humour is a shift of whit……….
Continue ReadingA guy tried robbing me at …
A guy tried robbing me at knife point, luckily I managed to disarm him. I’d just bought a chainsaw.
Continue ReadingHow do you avoid a scanda …
How do you avoid a scandal on the beach ? Don’t let the sea get into your sandal.
Continue ReadingMy mum brought home a new …
My mum brought home a new box of washing powder for the first time today. But it’s not my biological washing powder and it can’t tell me what to do
Continue ReadingDo shop fitters find thei …
Do shop fitters find their work counter productive?
Continue ReadingI had my wife cremated th …
I had my wife cremated then planted some seeds in her urn. A couple of weeks later she rose from the ashes.
Continue ReadingI went to the doctor toda …
I went to the doctor today and said, “Every time I close my eyes I see pink striped tigers.” “Have you seen a psychiatrist?” he asked. “No,” I replied, “just pink striped tigers.”
Continue ReadingDon’t you think that Pole …
Don’t you think that Pole Dancers will make scaffolding more interesting? plus then the workers will turn up on time.
Continue ReadingAnyone who thinks I’m con …
Anyone who thinks I’m confrontational should come and say that to my face.
Continue ReadingWhat’s long, hard and ful …
What’s long, hard and full of seamen? A ship. What’s long, hard but not full of seamen? An Italian ship.
Continue ReadingI went for a curry last n …
I went for a curry last night and ran out of the curry house without paying, when i got back home i was on the toilet for hours. That’s bad korma.
Continue ReadingI feel sorry for the old …
I feel sorry for the old guy on the Wonga advert…. He only borrowed a fiver when he was a kid and is still working to pay it off.
Continue ReadingFinding imposition in the …
Finding imposition in the dictionary is next to impossible.
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