Nando’s – The second best …
Nando’s – The second best way to cover your fingers in a hot birds juices.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
‘Orange customers can now …
‘Orange customers can now use T-Mobile signal as a boost’ Why does this only apply to people with fake tan?
Continue ReadingI bought a CD which was j …
I bought a CD which was just the sound of water flowing. I didn’t like it though, it was too main-stream.
Continue ReadingRIP Megavideo. We will mo …
RIP Megavideo. We will mourn you for 72 minutes, wait 30 minutes, and then mourn you again.
Continue ReadingI walked in to an ice cre …
I walked in to an ice cream parlour I said “Do you serve sundaes?” He said “No, we’re closed.”
Continue ReadingThey all laughed at me wh …
They all laughed at me when I told them i wanted to be a comedian, from then i knew my future was bright
Continue ReadingMy gran has this antique …
My gran has this antique vase that she said would go for twenty grand “under the hammer”. So I smashed it.
Continue ReadingDatabase latency too high …
Database latency too high Sickipedia appears to have lost connection to the database. Predictably. There are 786 of you not looking at this joke.
Continue ReadingI saw the woman who’s in …
I saw the woman who’s in that wrinkle removal cream advert at a party. I asked her what her secret really is. “I’m twenty two”, she said.
Continue ReadingThe world is full of peop …
The world is full of people who lie to make themselves seem more interesting. And as a direct decendant of Mahatma Ghandi, I’m really offended by this.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend has asked m …
My girlfriend has asked me to stop cutting my cocaine with cheddar. She says that she’s fed up with me always using cheesy lines to try to get her into bed.
Continue ReadingThere’s nothing better th …
There’s nothing better than sitting on the couch in your underwear. I’m going to enjoy this until the department store security guys show up.
Continue ReadingI pulled up at the traffi …
I pulled up at the traffic lights earlier. I’d been driving with my trousers around my ankles.
Continue ReadingMy life is ‘sound as a po …
My life is ‘sound as a pound’ at the minute. I’m probably going to kill myself.
Continue ReadingI just bought some large …
I just bought some large chips from McDonalds. That should be enough to de-ice my driveway.
Continue Reading