I just saw an advert for …
I just saw an advert for Lanacane to stop chafing. Alternatively, fat people could buy clothes that fit.
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I told a policeman he had …
I told a policeman he had a screw loose. It was off the cuff.
Continue ReadingI’ve found a website that …
I’ve found a website that plays streaming video of underground trains. It’s called Tubetube.
Continue ReadingThere’s nothing worse tha …
There’s nothing worse than posting a joke and realising you’ve made a stupd spelling mistake
Continue ReadingAs I stepped out of my fr …
As I stepped out of my front door I looked around and saw all the heavy rain today has waterlogged the dirt driveway and flooded my front garden! But I think it’s worse outback…
Continue ReadingI was in the garden with …
I was in the garden with my wife when she winked at me and said ‘Do you want me to, you know, go down?’. ‘Sure’ I replied ‘Just let me get my shovel’.
Continue ReadingMy favourite pick-up line …
My favourite pick-up line is “Hey baby, I’ve got a truck.”
Continue ReadingMy friend says the word ‘ …
My friend says the word ‘history’ hundreds of times a day. He’s not weird or anything; history just has a habit of repeating itself.
Continue ReadingWhy was the dog standing …
Why was the dog standing still? Because it was on paws.
Continue ReadingHit the gym pretty hard t …
Hit the gym pretty hard this morning. I really need to stop drink driving.
Continue ReadingI once lived in a duck po …
I once lived in a duck pond but had to move out. I couldn’t stand all the bills.
Continue ReadingThe grenade factory is th …
The grenade factory is the one place where being able to hear a pin drop is a bad thing
Continue ReadingJust about to see “The Ir …
Just about to see “The Iron Lady” These trousers won’t de-crease themselves.
Continue ReadingDue to a rare genetic abn …
Due to a rare genetic abnormality, 1 in every 100,000 London traffic wardens are born white.
Continue ReadingI was stood at a barberqu …
I was stood at a barberque the other day, 30 minutes I waited for a haircut.
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